Exploding Penguin on a Telly-Vision Set


[This conversation ensues after the radio explodes while two old women are listening to "The Death of Mary Queen of Scots."]

Woman 1(Graham Chapman): We'll have to watch the telly then.
Woman 2(John Cleese): Yes.
Woman 1: What's that on the television then?
Woman 2: Looks like a penguin.
Woman 1: No, no, no, I didn't mean what's on the television set, I meant what program?
Woman 2: Oh.

[Woman 2 turns on the TV. It takes a long time to warm up. They speak while they wait.]

Woman 2: It's funny that a penguin being there inn't? What's it doing there?
Woman 1: Standing.
Woman 2: I can see that.
Woman 1: If it lays an egg it will fall down the back of the television set.
Woman 2: We'll have to watch that. Unless it's a male.
Woman 1: Ooh, I never thought of that.
Woman 2: Yes, looks fairly butch.
Woman 1: Perhaps it comes from next door.
Woman 2: Penguins don't come from next door, they come from the Antarctic.
Woman 1: BURMA!
Woman 2: Why did you say that?
Woman 1: I panicked.
Woman 2: Oh. Perhaps it's from the zoo?
Woman 1: Which zoo?
Woman 2: How should I know which zoo? I'm not Dr.-bloody-Bronowski!
Woman 1:How does Dr.-bloody-Bronowski know which zoo it's from?
Woman 2: He knows everything.
Woman 1: Oh, I wouldn't like that, it would take the mystery out of life. Anyway, if it came from the zoo, it would have 'Property of the Zoo' stamped on it.
Woman 2: No, it wouldn't. They don't stamp animals 'Property of the Zoo.' You can't stamp 'Property of the Zoo' on a huge lion.
Woman 1: They stamp them when they're small.
Woman 2: What happens when they moult?
Woman 1: Lions don't moult.
Woman 2: No, but penguins do. THERE, I've run rings around you logically.
Woman 1: Oh, intercourse the penguin.

[Announcer appears on the television.]

Announcer: It's just gone 8:00 and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.

[The penguin explodes.]

Woman 1: How did he know that was going to happen?
Announcer: It was an inspired guess. And now...

[End of sketch.]


Home